A religous (tongue in cheek) Warning about punting!!

[Glentoby]

It is now Christmas day officially and fairly most of you are going to say,how sad and lonely is he posting on here.You are correct in a way,I am sad and I am lonely at this particular time.

However I will not be lonely for long,she will be home shortly singing having been to Midnight Mass.She will tell me that the vintage port bottle is empty,full when she left,the Glenmorangie is depleted.She is without doubt correct,arent they always?

She will not though accept why I do not go to Midnight Mass,I have explained for too many years about swerving the instinct to have a punt,even on Christmas day.Every punter needs at least one day to reflect on the year just gone or years before regardless of ethnicity or religious persuation.So the following is just a reflection of a confused  agnostic,not an atheist with respect for all religion.

Catholic Church,normal Mass...........The priest stands up on his podium and challenges "I can beat you at dominoes"..several bookies runners then scuttle through the audience with a plate taking bets.Never once saw anybody being paid out?

Sininggog (yes I know it is spelled wrong).........Similar bookies runners,Rabbi collects all the bets and at least does it in public.Throws all the bets in the air from the silver plate and chants "What goes up and stays up our great god can keep,what lands back on the plate we can rightfully keep"

Only a snapshot of the religious world and why you should avoid their churches at this time if you are a punter,they are unlikely to help you avoid the urge to have a bet and you have no chance of a return on your investment unless you believe in an afterlife.In which case you should seek out a Bhuddist ,Sikh or Muslim Bookie.

Even then be carefull,I went to a Muslim funeral in Glasgow last year and spoke to a Bhuddist Bookie who was looking at a Jewish Bookie called Yehudi McKewan,who's great grandson had played the violin apparently.I was intrigued,were they here to pay their respects and how did they know the deceased? Turns out the deceased had an account with both of them and had won on an ITV 7 the day before he died.

Mori (the Jewish bookie) said "he had the bet with me,£57,000,it would have broken me",the Bhuddist Bookie replied "Jesus Christ Mori,did you pay him"? Mori said "Of course I did,i gave him a cheque but I forgot to sign it" Bhuddist Bookie says "Why are you really here then you have nothing to worry about"?

Mori "Just wanted to protect his family,they don't know he gambles and I was hoping the betting slip goes up in flames with him"

Bhuddist bookie "Glad about that Mori,just hoping I can get back the bottle of single malt I gave him last week on tick"

Mori "You religious lot and material things make me Sikh"...............A priest appears and goes into an incantation of how amed was actually Jewish to his Glaswegian Wife and to all intents and purposes was a devout Muslim to his other family,didnt gamble,didnt drink.

The priest "And as we lay our dear brother to rest,husband,father,brother,son etc etc" Mori pipes up "He was a dark one then,how did he die" The priest not knowing the congregation says "He was stabbed leaving a betting shop by an Arab recently granted asylum by Theresa May,the only thing in his possession was a betting slip worth £57,000 which the Arab says is rightfuly his.

The Arab claims asylum and passed the "British test" i.e could name the last 20 KG winners,Gold Cup winners and APs first winner for Martin Pipe.

The rest has yet to be resolved but if I have learned one thing,punting trancends all religion?????????????