Dan...this story makes me very sad to hear....I regard you as a very good poker player and quite a tricky foe when at the tables so it is particularly hard for me to read this story. Poker and gambling can be a bitch at times.....we all have demons and we can certainly get caught up in the flashing lights and button clicking....I believe the true skill is to not be taken in by these urges a bit like sometimes learning to fold is more the discipline than play all the fishy hands! I hope I don't come across as preachy as I myself have definitely been guilty of taking shots at higher levels beyond my funds or blasting irresponsibly off on spin and go on my mobile when I know it is gambling rather then skill. What I do recommend is that you set some deposit limits so that if you cant trust yourself there are mechanisms to prevent you imploding on the deposit button when chasing losses. I hope that over time you can get back to where you were and that you can get over the self loathing and slowly build up a decent wedge of cash again so that you can go travelling and do all the exciting things you were talking to me about when we last met at Birmingham. Good luck my friend....we are all rooting for you!