An Apology

[Yellow Ledbetter]

This same thread has been started in General Chat. Hi all. This would have been a lot easier had we done things correctly in the first place, but when Sam and I took a break from PL (and all the associated activities) we didn't think that we'd be away for this long. In fact, if I'm honest, the last six months or so we've been putting this explanation off for a number of reasons. For the last couple of years, Sam and I have been going through some difficulties in our relationship. For a long time I thought that it was the stress that Sam was under due to her hip problems, and I think we both made allowances for that. However, during our time on PL, Sam had treatment for this and recovered extremely well. For the first time in our lives together, we had more friends than at any other time. We also had a busy social life (through PL), and interests outside of work and home. All in all, life was good. At least it should have been. At a time when things had never been better for us, we were still having problems. What was strange was that we were both sincere when we said that we wanted to make things work, however situations would arise and instead of avoiding conflicts, the conflicts were kind of encouraged. Those of you who know me know that I drive for a living, and while I'm on the road I have plenty of time for thinking. It was during those times on the road that I decided that maybe I'm letting Sam (and our marriage) down in some way, and that the problems we were having were my fault. So I tried harder, as did Sam. However there was only a temporary improvement, and so we were on a terrible cycle of conflict, followed by reconciliation, followed by conflict, and so on. I started to look at other areas of our life and eventually, after trying other possible solutions (and wondered if it was our involvement in PL. I even wondered if maybe Sam had seen that life would be better with PL but without me. I was prepared to give up all that I was enjoying in my life if it meant that it would save my marriage, and so was Sam, so we agreed to 'go offline' some time last year to see if it made a difference, and it didn't. It made it very awkward trying to explain to our friends why we were disappearing though, and so we stayed offline. Things also got no better between us and I was clutching at straws when something occurred to me. All our problems seemed to start around the time that Sam had a mirena coil fitted. As far as I was aware, a mirena coil was so good because it released a hormone which fooled the body into thinking it was pregnant. I also wondered if these hormones were causing Sam to act irrationally. I shared these thoughts with Sam and it didn't take a lot of searching to find that it was a possible cause. Sam found many instances where women's personalities changed drastically, to the point that it cost them their relationships. I suggested to Sam that she should have it removed, and she was hesitant because she had the coil fitted not as a contraceptive, but as a way of managing debilitating pain of ovarian cysts. She agreed to have it removed and since then she has suffered physically, but our relationship has improved immeasurably. I know that we haven't been fair to the friends we have on here, and for that I'm happy to take any blame. I know that we should have trusted our friends on here with upfront honesty. I am honestly ashamed and embarrassed for acting opposite to the way I've told others they should act when they have gone missing (and not for as long, either). I think that it takes a certain strength to maintain friendships when other relationships are going wrong and I don't think I was strong enough to tell the people we care about that we were not going to be around for a while. For that, I am truly, truly sorry. I know that we've both missed you all very much. We're aware that we've missed a lot of life changing events, and its a shame that I will carry on my shoulders forever more. As a friend, I have acted towards my friends in a disgraceful manner and I wouldn't blame any one of you if you told me to go back offline and never return. I hope that in time we'll both be accepted back. Maybe not as we were, but as we are. On a slightly different note, I want to clear one thing up, and that is the internet problems we experienced. This was the truth. Despite having built a new computer, I kept the text copy of my fault tickets with Madasafish. It runs to a 67 page word document and I think that we would have changed suppliers and still experienced the same problems had it not been for a certain ColU. He hit upon something called LLU (Local Loop Unbundling) and suggested that maybe I should use a supplier who had their own hardware at our local exchange. That left us with the choice of (I think), TalkTalk and Sky. Having a TV package with them already we signed up for the whole kaboodle and since then we have had a superb internet connection, running at about 10meg, which I'm more than happy with. Under no circumstances would I invent a problem to explain our absence. The connection problem was an infuriating and extremely frustrating time. If anyone would like the document, I'll be happy to upload for their perusal and 'enjoyment'. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and again, I'm sorry.

[teaulc]

Re: An Apology TBH you have nothing to be sorry for IMO,, family must always come 1st,and i am glad you have managed to sort out where the problem was,,i hope Sam isnt in too much pain because of the solution though. good to hear from you and best wishes to your better half Al