The Road to Recovery with DanShot89

[Danshot]

So where to start well it's fair to say that this last week did not start off optimal , first I started of playing spin games that are out of my usual buy in range and end up losing a few hundred pounds which won't really as effected me too bad and I could just chalk it up as a gamble that didn't work out and all still within my separate gambling bankroll. 

This gambling bankroll is my cut-off point and means i'm only gambling with previous winnings and therefore it doesn't impact my day to day living and on the whole ensures it stays fun. 

Unfortunately it didn't stay fun and instead of sleeping in between night shifts on Sunday and Monday night I went on a crazy session where I ended up making many deposits out of my personal bank account totalling about £2700 I think all said and done , now for some people that would be okay and within the world and poker sometimes we become immune to realising the different value that each given amount has to individuals. I fair to say I'm not an individual who can afford to take that kind of hit to my finances and just not even think about it.

In fact it has swiped a highly significant portion of my disposable income that I clearly could of put to much more effective use , but it's fair to say it very much opened my eyes wider to how dangerous and addictive gambling can be and how it's possible that some people end up losing everything through it , given that I thought I was a relatively sensible gambler I didn't think that I would end up going through this kind of experience. 

The one saving grace for me in this is the fact that finally at 7pm I dragged myself away from chasing the losses still with money in my account to cover my bills without any issues , but I was obviously a bit devastated out how the day had panned out given that I should of been asleep for most of the day in between shifts and now I had t start work after already being awake 33 hours , this is again not advisable. 

I'm not posting this for any kind of sympathy but as an outlet to channel my recovery to sticking to winning at the micro's and maybe bringing awareness to just how close is the line between gambling for fun and chasing can be ,,,,, remember when the fun stops just stop.

So where do I start given that I'm unlikely to be winning that money back in the very near future at my usual stakes , well I'm trying my best to mentally write it off as a learning experience and after each sleep since I feel a little better about it so hopefully i'll be able to focus on playing my usual stake on Pokerstars which I'm backed for grind it back up that way , I;d also like to go back to digging out some of the value tourneys I used to play on other sites possibly via some staking if anyone is interested I would be happy to discuss terms. 

I'll continue to post up in this thread my journey tracking my progress and seeing if we can have a positive end to 2018.

[Bart(UK)]

Good luck with the next chapter mate, but go slowly, don't go rushing into anything. The fish will still be floating around next week, month etc.  

Schedule frequent 'cooling off' breaks, both in between sessions and during. Sticking rigidly to a stop loss of x-buyins triggering an automatic sit out or walk around the garden can be a very effective counter against any temporary rush of blood or angst. But I'd seriously consider taking a couple of weeks complete break to plan everything through carefully in your head and on paper before restarting from a cold, relaxed but highly motivated stand point. 

I know you're a seasoned player but if I can help at all just shout. I can lay my hands on some quality mental-focus material, or help in finding a coach or refresher material etc. 

Similarly don't ever let poker or anything else come to that, drag you down dangerously low, my mobile is always available 24/7 to any poker friend who is in urgent need of a chat or friendly ear, and as you know, I have big ears ( )

 

Bart

[Danshot]

Thanks for the advice , I have a backer on Stars and have spoken to them and they are happy for me to take time off and to recharge if I need it so that is no worry there I'll still have a solid foundation to build from with regards to having a constant schedule of MTTs available there , plus I have $75 rakeback due to me on Monday on Party Poker where I went on the crazy chase that evidently was only going one way so I can try get in on some them cent roll's again there used to be a fun little spin up.

Mentally after 2 full days since and i'm starting to just re budget the new computer will have to be put on hold and my September travels can wait till next year. I have access to Run It Once Elite so will try that for some good revision content and mental prep. 

Regardless I'm be around next Wednesday for the home game as booked it off work in preparation for hopefully witnessing England's Semi Final #itscominghome

[Danshot]

So we played a full session today and broke even (lost $4) despite cashing in one third of the MTT's that registered but this is the nature of playing on PokerStars , big fields big rewards but also a lot of hard work building stacks that still just wins back a buy in or 3 if lucky. 

For now I don't want to set my goals too high and want to continue on focusing and improving , that said i'm looking forward to a SUNDAY FUNDAY especially with an afternoon of no football to distract me and start dreaming of what might be come next Sunday. 

So for now no goals or target have been set the focus is on enjoying playing , for tonight we're one hour away from the 1st fight of UFC 226 and what looks to be an exciting card with lots of intriguing match ups. 

PS. this might start to feel more like a blog 

[andybell666]

Dan...this story makes me very sad to hear....I regard you as a very good poker player and quite a tricky foe when at the tables so it is particularly hard for me to read this story.  Poker and gambling can be a bitch at times.....we all have demons and we can certainly get caught up in the flashing lights and button clicking....I believe the true skill is to not be taken in by these urges a bit like sometimes learning to fold is more the discipline than play all the fishy hands!  I hope I don't come across as preachy as I myself have definitely been guilty of taking shots at higher levels beyond my funds or blasting irresponsibly off on spin and go on my mobile when I know it is gambling rather then skill.  What I do recommend is that you set some deposit limits so that if you cant trust yourself there are mechanisms to prevent you imploding on the deposit button when chasing losses.  I hope that over time you can get back to where you were and that you can get over the self loathing and slowly build up a decent wedge of cash again so that you can go travelling and do all the exciting things you were talking to me about when we last met at Birmingham.  Good luck my friend....we are all rooting for you!

[Danshot]

Thanks Andy , yeah the deposit limits is definitely something I've been thinking about and will probably end up doing this when I get a couple of days off next week to fix on all the main sites where action is readily available to prevent me just jumping to another site. 

Over the last week my mental attitude towards what transpired last Monday has slowly eased a bit yes I do have consistent thoughts of I could of spent like a whole month in Thailand , or I could of gone back to Vegas , or the new desktop PC set up or paid for a crash course to pass my driving license quickly but this is a learning curve and I feel like I've started to take responsibility for a moment of madness and handle the loss as a learning curve in the world of Bankroll Management and gambling responsibly (which is something I always used to say to others that I had seen betting just because it was a saturday etc ). 

I honestly believe the biggest challenge for me moving forward is nothing to do with my ability on the felt but in trying to maintain a positive perspective to life , and to focus on building towards improvement there. 

 

Edited July 15, 2018 by Danshot

[Danshot]

So it's been about 6 weeks since this thread came into existence , and I've not really updated this as much as I first expected which is probably actually a good thing as I means there has been no roller-coaster of ups & downs to report which at this moment in time the key focus needs to be avoiding the pitfalls of another insane irrational experience. 

Poker wise , I've been focusing solely on playing my backed stake on Pokerstars (mostly $5.50  & under)  and tuning my brain into playing my best game possible which can sometimes be hard to gauge when playing MTTs with 1000's of runners as the variance is just so crazy even for winning players. 

I did mention in an earlier post that I wasn't going to be making any big purchases in the near future or going on holiday , but I decided that an investment in a reasonable desktop computer was of use if I really wanted to build up my ability to play poker for hopefully a second income because playing more than 4 tables on a laptop is not ideal , and playing across several sites at the same time is not really feasible if want to see the action on every table.

So I see this as much like my purchase of a bike as a total net positive , with the bike I save £60 a month on a bus pass to get to work without even including the late shifts i'd need to pay for a taxi plus I get the health benefits of riding about 8 miles 5 days a week so in like 3 months the investment will be like financial net positive , likewise the desktop computer encourages me to sit up in a better posture and therefore better than lazying on the couch with a laptop health wise and always it has to be better for my poker game if I can see all the action that is taking place. 

See as many of you as possible in the home game on Wednesday